the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I could fuck to npr.
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