My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I AM VODKA MAN
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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