carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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