so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
