Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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