I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
