I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
