i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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