Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
