i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we're making bets on your personal life
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
