Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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