I cut my penus on the lid.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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