i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
