hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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