Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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