All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
