if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
