you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
