Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
