I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
