He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
