Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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