Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
