I puked a lego.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
