Your dad touched me again.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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