I love black thongs
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
