Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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