Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
