I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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