So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
