Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
it's great music for shaving your balls
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
