i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
