i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
