chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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