Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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