Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
