I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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