listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
