A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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