forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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