Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
His nipple licking is glorious
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