8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
