i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
