3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
