I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
