you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
