summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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