so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
it glows. i had to have it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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