i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
