i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
