I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
