i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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