i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
