you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
